ceiling fans.

i find myself staring at my ceiling fan on a nightly basis. i do believe the anxiety i once unwillingly possessed has now returned. i am once again the owner of a brain that refuses to cease thought and only thinks of things at random, out of place, and completely unreasonable.

someone very near and dear to me has recently gone through an extreme betrayal and violation of space, respect, trust and decency. if these feelings are not terrible enough in of themselves, it is believed that this betrayal and violation was committed by someone close to and known by this person. 

so, this leads me to my "unreasonable" thought of this evening...

do we ever really know people? really know people? like every little thing they are possibly capable of?

yes, i am being quite the pessimistic cynic, but i cannot help but think this way at the moment. 

current situations of others combined with the very unnerving feeling in the pit of my own stomach about a situation i feel may be happening leads me to the conclusion; people are capable of just about anything. we honestly and truly are. 

it scares me right down to the core that more often than not during our lifetimes, we do tend to let at least a few individuals into our lives who will in fact KNOWINGLY betray us and hurt us.

and you really, truly, honestly are only as good as the company you keep!