fool.

Seriously, shut off with the wall up.

Shit has gotten out of hand on more than one level in more than one facet of my life.

The reason; vulnerability and open-ness. Both of which are beyond overrated. 

The bitch is back.

Step off!

AHHHH!

Ever have those moments where you just want to bury your head in a pillow and scream as loud as you possibly can? In hopes that releasing the noise will also release the frustration behind it?

I wish it worked that way.

a new infatuation. talent.

Vasoon by Ian Cooke from Zach Putnam on Vimeo.

clarification.

Just because one comes to terms with the necessity of moving on from something does not necessarily mean that it is a desirable conclusion or one to be happy about.

Seeing months of time, energy, feelings, emotions, laughs, and the wonderful memories that are the pieces of the process of letting somebody in and getting to know them in return suddenly come to a halt and retreat in the opposite direction is a situation of a disheartening nature.

Maybe I got more involved. Maybe I felt more attached.  

It's easy to be angry.

The test, which is a hard one, is to feel the effects of the outcome. 

Bridges are burned by anger.

The maintenance of some form of a relationship and friendships are built by the honest recognition and reasoning behind the dissolution of the situation of which is being left behind.

The challenge, which is even harder, is to break the ice in order to share those feelings of recognition.

It will happen one day, I'm sure. 

I hope. 

holding my sanity together.

"Uh, you have a lazy eye!"

Just give me this one "sweet brag"...

I don't get all "star-struck" or fan girl ever. In fact, I could think of maybe 5 people who could make me feel this way. With that being said...

I love Chelsea Handler probably more than I love anyone. The runner up to Miss Chelsea is a lovely and hilarious lady (who often appears on Chelsea's show) by the name of Natasha Leggero.

So, this evening I was invited to go to my very first comedy show (you might think you know where I'm going with this...you have no idea!) I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what to expect. I am thinking "this is Denver (bleh), I am sure I will have a good time and have a few laughs during the stressful time of finals." I go in, take my seat with Ellen and her amazing family and prepare myself for a fun evening. I am also fortunate enough to be seated next to a wonderfully lovely lady whom I share some laughs with while we completely hit it off. Apparently, like musicians, comedians also have openers. The first opener finishes his set and the second opener is introduced..."Next we have our very good friend who has been visiting us and our city more frequently, you can often catch her on the Chelsea Lately show, please welcome Natasha Leggero." 

At this point, I think my insides are doing backflips and I have NO idea what is happening because I am in complete fan girl mode. Obviously, I cannot stop laughing throughout the entirety of her set (because she is phenomenal) and during one joke I turn to my new wonderfully lovely lady friend and share a hearty chuckle with her. We are still mid-laugh when she very proudly says, "that's my baby girl, that's my daughter!"

Really? 

2 hours later and I am still giddy!! Just give me this one fan girl moment, I deserve it!

Gimme a break!

:)

preparation for the day ahead.

I treated myself with two hours of sleep last night.

Now, off to campus where I will be until 8:30pm.

This is the only thing that could have put a smile on my face this morning, and it definitely did. 

I am sure I will be watching it throughout the day to ensure I remain at least slightly light-hearted. 

idk.

The thoughts in my brain are swirling and my body doesn't even know which way is up.

My positive perspective is fading and the light at the end of the tunnel seems further and further away with every passing second. 

I cannot seem to make up my mind about life.

Other people cannot seem to make up their minds about their status and current standing in my life. In turn, this makes me continue to not be able to make up my mind, throwing me into a spiraling cycle of delusion and confusion.

I am fairly certain that three hours of sleep a night is not helping me maintain my sanity.

I believe they call it a melt-down for a reason; because it feels like everything you have attained and built is melting away in mere moments.