know your sayings.

It is NOT "walk in coals around you to please you." It is "walk on eggshells to please you."

Seriously.

If you are trying to insult me, please do so correctly, at least!

i knew this day would eventually come.

http://twitter.com/sabrinakay

cyber-stalking at its finest!

our civic duty.

At least, I think that is what the juror video said today. I call, bullshit. 

I understand and respect the process but I think, if I am putting myself through school in order to get an education to build to the "greatness" of our society, I should be exempt. 

Four painful hours and nine dismissals later (there are only ten total), I was still in the juror box bordering a nervous breakdown attempting to think how I could possibly miss an entire week of classes.

Then, "we thank and excuse Miss Potter."

I have never been so pleased. Ever.

glass of wine and advil PM.

My butterflies about school have most definitely turned into full-force nervousness.

Darn it, social anxiety!

I think I will need a little aid in sleeping this evening. Along with New Moon!

second volume of addiction.

Of course. I absolutely had to move onto the second book of the series. I am not disappointed so far. I have a feeling I will not be able to get through it as quickly as the first, but I am estimating, under a week. So good!

finally.

So many things I have been waiting for have arrived.

Back home in Denver, have the new computer I have been desperately needing for probably a year now, and school starts tomorrow!

Horray horray!

This past weekend was a wonderful one to have right before school. The 3OH!3 show with wonderful friends I haven't seen in quite some time was perfect. It was so good to see everybody!

Life is always wonderful.

It is what you make of it.

Take it a little bit as it comes. 

just stop!

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls. But pass it does. Even for me."

It approaches so rapidly, this time of year.
No matter how hard my mind and consciousness attempts to derail my feeling, my subconscious proves to be much more powerful. Every year, it never fails me. No matter how busy and self-absorbed I try to keep myself, my heart always triumphs. I only wish I could control the period of time in which it does so.
It all hits home when these eyes glance at a picture of your face and I realize I don't recognize you anymore.
My mind has seemed to erase you...but my heart will never let go or forget.
The eternal struggle I will always face. It is severely unnerving.

"Happy Valentines Day", is all I can think.

just a little bit more.

I enjoy thinking of the future, visits, and vacations.
It makes me smile!

School starts in t-minus 5 days. HORRAY!

It has been quite the pop-punk kind of week. I think it brings out the hopeful and happy in me!

Also, I seriously need to purchase the second book in the Twilight series. I think it will hold me over for the next maybe 10-ish days!
;)

put 'em up!

What was I thinking?
You are worth mentioning. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me comfortable.
You make me feel! Even if those feelings might be undesirable at times. With you, the good most definitely outweighs the negative.
Since when have I ever backed down from anything?
I will put up this fight!
Because...I think I could care about you.
I wont back down.

My biggest feat in life will be to let myself actually feel something.

for the next 4 months.

My world will revolve around the following:

-Communication 1021: Fundamentals of Mass Communication
-Communication 4665: Principles of Advertising
-English 2030: Core Composition II
-History 3121: The World at War, 1914-1945
-Mathematics 1010: Math for Liberal Arts
-Psychology 4485: Psychology of Cultural Diversity

Only nine more days. Thank goodness!

addition.

A couple little additions to my standards list:

If you are not able to legally purchase an alcoholic beverage, I'm not interested.
Monogamy is something that you value and practice.
You appreciate proper grammar...it is "right" and "night" NOT "rite" and "nite."

These definitely should have been on it the first time around.

too involved.

I have become too involved and too attached to a situation. I'm not the biggest fan of feelings and emotions or letting others invoke undesirable emotion within me. I enjoy being in control of my feelings and my heart. I have felt a rush of negativity resembling that of slight jealously and disgust.
I'm not even positive it is necessary or called for however, I am stopping it here! Whether or not this feeling is justified, the point is I felt something not by my own accord but by that of another. I am not fond of this. In fact, I don't allow it!
I am in the driver's seat when it comes to my heart. Always.

get fit '09.

The verdict is in...I cannot just eat right to keep that pesky fat off, like some lucky ones. I have to actually work it out! I have been trying to lose my Warped 15 (yes, 15 freakin' pounds packed on in 2 months) since I got back. It hasn't worked. So, I am getting down to the nitty gritty...the detox diet! It worked last time, I have faith.
Brown rice, fish, veggies, and fruit combined with cardio and yoga everyday for 2 weeks will hopefully do the trick like last time.
No, I am not quitting smoking. These smoker lungs only add to the challenge!
Aside from fitting into the wardrobe I have and like, cleansing the body is amazing. I feel like a million bucks when I eat right and work out.
Get Fit '09!! Holla!!

new loves.

Along with She & Him I have a couple of new loves in the music world, thanks to my Miss Becca...my go-to gal for new and amazing tunes!

Bon Iver
Frightened Rabbit


I will keep adding as more musical lovelies are brought to my attention!

infatuated.

She & Him. From what I have heard of their album "Volume One" I am speechless. The lyrics are personal and random, for lack of a better term, resembling private journal entries. Put to M. Ward's incredible composition along with Deschanel's familiar yet unique and soothing vocals, makes it all that more heart-hitting. It has a very aged and sincere feel to it. While listening to certain songs I can close my eyes and imagine being in a club, smoke in the air, martinis on the table, surrounded by men in suits and women in extravagant dresses. Like, old-day Hollywood. I am currently in love with this album. Completely infatuated and utterly wooed.

"Cried all night till there was nothing more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
Taking it hard just like you knew I would
Old habits die hard when you got
When you got a sentimental heart
Piece of the puzzle, and you're my missing part
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Cried all night till there was nothing more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
Taking it hard just like you knew I would
Old habits die hard when you got
When you got a sentimental heart
Piece of the puzzle, and I'm your missing part
Oh, what can do you with a sentimental heart?"

yawn.

In reference to a previous entry "lay it out", it has happened, I am bored.
I think I just turn the switch on and off as a defense mechanism.
It no longer contains excitement, it is lacking enthusiasm.
Today, I decided I want it off...on a trial basis.

Now, if only it was time for my head to be in books, so I don't have to think about it!

i've got the itch.

...the pop-punk itch that is. Weird, but slightly refreshing all at the same time. It brings me back to younger years and fonder memories. I am ok with that. I think I will be fully satisfied once an ultimate play list is made! I cannot wait to get my student loan to get my new computer to make said play list!! Only a few more days (or so the faithful employees of Wells Fargo tell me.) I trust them...I think.
I have been spending some time at home with the family working all of the loan situation out, it is much easier to deal with technology, money, and my father in person as opposed to via phone. We tend to confuse one another often. I love being home, for periods of time. There is something very refreshing and down to earth here. No drama, little stress, cleanliness, and the best company I could ask for...my family and doggies.
School is approaching even more rapidly and I am overly enthused. Get me into a freakin' lecture hall already! I am excited! But, I am not excited about my social anxiety flaring up again! It has been on a brief leave of absence as of late, and right on time overcame me from head to toe the second my foot hit the campus pavement and I was surrounded by people on my way to my advising appointment.
"This too shall pass" I frequently tell myself. If I say it enough I will be able to believe it!
Just a little under 2 weeks and I am a busy little bee bordering freak-out mode. I love it, it is what I live for, it keeps me on my toes.

piano for sale.

My father uttered these words and my heart sank into my stomach.
No, I have not touched the piano in years but, it has always been an object that sits there which gives me hope.
Once upon a time, I held a talent for this instrument. And one day I hope to gather the inspiration within myself to sit down to it once again.
Maybe this was kind of a wake up call.
I should just sit down and fiddle with it. I should see if I still have what it takes to create something new and meaningful. Even if this something new and meaningful is simply to just put my own soul at ease for a bit. A new and meaningful way to express emotion.
Dear Journal,
Maybe I should create something from the heart.

on the floor.

This is the place I choose to listen to my music and play lists. Something about doing this is real. It takes me out of the world, even if for just a moment. Escape. I long to escape.
I am the first to admit, I over think things. This will probably be my ultimate downfall.
Someday I will be able to get it under control. Right now, I cannot.
It is me.
I am me.
I am an over thinker, over analyzer, daydreamer, hopeful soul, wishful thinker, hopeless romantic.
I throw my heart out there. Yet, keep my heart to myself.
I am an oxymoron.

the time is almost near.

"I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my Blackberry, so I texted to his cell. And now you have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting!"

He's Just Not That Into You...THE MOVIE!

Holy cow, I am stoked. Mainly, because it is true.

the conversation nobody likes.

"what are we?"
Yuck. Even thinking about it makes me cringe. Not in the sense that it is bad or unpleasant but, in the sense that obviously if someone feels that they want to ask that it means things are more than likely extremely confusing. And, to me, thinking about that devastatingly confusing "stage" is quite painful. In that stage not a single thing will leave your brain, it is constantly on overdrive. It is so exhausting! I am ok with my overdrive mode at the moment but, I am approaching tired.

it is a saying for a reason.

"the dog is a man's best friend."
Her name is Lily. She is a black lab, the runt of the pack, but the light of my life just the same.
Animals are the best ever.
I can go months without seeing this love of my life yet the second I walk in the door she greets me as if I am the only thing she looks forward to. No matter what I have done, no matter what I have said, or no matter what mistakes I might have made she stands by my side and looks towards me for affection!
I adore walking into the door to someone who loves me so much!

it's my vice.

I would say "get the laughs out now!" but everyone I know in some way, shape or form is addicted to reality television. So I really do not have anything to be ashamed of! The only difference is, I am hooked to it ALL. Don't care, don't judge! It is great. Especially The City. I am only two episodes in, and am already kind of sad. When nice people are subjected to d-bag wannabe rock stars and girls who think their poo doesn't stink because they grew up as and are "socials" is slightly painful to watch, and yet entertaining.
Though, I think I mainly watch it due to the fact I fell in love with that place when I visited and do not get to see it enough. So now, I can walk down the streets of NYC Monday nights with MTV and The City. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

alley and dumpster.

Happy new year 2009...a couple of days late, but better late than never.

It was definitely a wonderful evening spent with few but those few are such amazing individuals! I had a fabulous time. Nothing was missing...wait, the few friends strewn about the country were definitely missing. Phone calls and texts were made so they were with me in spirit :)

In an alley way and next to a dumpster is where we spent a majority of our evening...you would have to have been there to understand! An over-the-top photo shoot took place.

So amazing!

I think this year will be one to look forward to. School starts soon, student loans get here even sooner (thank goodness, I am rubbing the only 2 pennies I have together right now), a crazy spring break adventure is being planned, a couple of weekend trips to CA and to my miss Brittany in Michigan are in the works, I am going to be strict about the yoga and healthy eating, I am also going to start putting my foot down with the things I need to be able to say something about, and positive daily affirmations will be made! All while being surrounded by my amazing family and incredible friends!

09 is mine!

WORK IT OUT!